Today has been one of those days. Not a bad day. Oh no. I actually haven't been worried, upset, or bored. I've been fairly content all day. Just curious and a little disappointed.

I was unnaturally nervous on the way to church. I actually had the feeling I get sometimes at school, like I don't know anybody and everyone is just a bunch of strangers. Which is odd, considering church is supposed to be my other family. I asked God why I felt nervous, and if He could take that away, because I shouldn't have a reason to be nervous.

So I got to church, and my old Sunday School teacher came up and talked to me for a bit, and I walked into the sanctuary. Alan and Ryan were talking and Alan's back was to me so I walked up to him and started to pose in an "I'm going to eat you" pose to see if Ryan would laugh. Alan saw the shadow and turned around and was like, "Hey! I haven't seen you in awhile! Hey, I have to ask you something. About Wednesdays..." And I just KNEW what he was going to say. "...are you still interested in playing keyboards?"

Of course, I got really excited, but I contained it and told him sure, as long as he or Justin can get me the music at least a day in advance. I'm kind of shocked. We're going to start out small, with probably just one song at the end, chords only until I can start learning to improvise and see what sounds good, or until they get real sheets, but it's something.

And then, the strange part. I was really happy, and was going to come home and practice for the joy of it. I was going to work on my Christmas music and on Beautiful Ending. But I came home and no matter how much I warmed up and no matter how much I looked at the music, I couldn't get anything right.

Which is starting to make me wonder. Although I may just be paranoid.

Did Alan ask GOD if it's okay for me to do this? I know it's not a big deal under most circumstances, but it's big to ME. I've never played WITH anyone before. I've sang with accompaniment, but I've never played with accompaniment. That's daunting enough, not even including the stage fright.

I guess this is one of those things where I'm going to have to pray, and I'm going to have to make myself remember that it's for God. ONLY for God.