This Is A Call

I'm thinking about canceling the keyboard thing on Alan. I'd really hate to disappoint him, but they'd be better of without me getting nervous and messing up.

Tonight...I'm going to whine...I feel like an idiot. Underappreciated. Like everything I do is wrong. And everything I say will be turned against me.

Then again, does any of it really matter? One of these days Jesus is supposed to come down and swoop those who have remained faithful up to heaven...but what if I'm not one of them? What if I've tried so hard along the road to make myself STOP pleasing myself and START pleasing God that I've forgotten to love Him regardless?

Tonight, I need someone here. I need a hug. Or someone to pray with me. Or something. Heck if I know.

"And I'm losing all control now, and my hazard signs are all out, I'm asking You to show me what this life is all about."