It's Sunday, I'm Tired. Confession Time.

I've discovered my deepest fear, finally.

I'm afraid I won't be ready for Judgment, and I'm scared that when my turn comes, I'll fail it, and my faith won't be true enough, and I'll never make it to into God's Kingdom.

I know that in some cases, this is a stupid fear. But it's paralyzing me. Satan knows it's there. And he's using it to keep me from even moving. He's ensuring that I will fail my life as a follower of Christ.

I don't know what to do, just that I don't want to end up like that. I want to nip that fear right now.

My next biggest fear as of this moment? Not having enough college money and not making it to college. I have a scholarship that I'll find out about on Friday. I have no clue how much it's worth, just that I really need it. If I can get enough money to pay for my first year, I can just start saving NOW for my second, third, fourth years, graduate school, and whatever else. I need that money. I want to BELIEVE that God will provide.

This is a fear rant, yes.

My life right now is extremely uncertain for a high-school student. I don't know where I'm going to school in the fall, I don't know if I have the money, I haven't a clue where my life is going, and the only thing I'm certain of is that I'm consistently not doing what God wants from me. I should be on my knees praying my soul out to God, and I'm not, not as often as I should.

I want something to change. I want ME to change. I want to be completely filled with God, to be so captivated by Him that NOTHING keeps me from Him, not even my own selfishness.

I need a new beginning, where God can be All that is important.