Can We Start Again?

I've done it again.

I'm back to trying too hard to get close to people.

And it's ruining everything.

I'm going to make some confessions, since no one really reads this anymore.

I keep having ups and downs. Most of last week, I was excited to see what God had in store for me and wanted to be as close to Him as possible.

This week, I'm back to being numb, exhausted, lonely, tired. Not depressed, just all of those emotions. Bleak, blank, not sure what to feel, thinking too much.

I'm not even sure I want to go to college anymore. I really don't know what's going on. I'm doing terrible at getting scholarships applied for, and I haven't taken my credit-by-exam final that I'm supposed to take to graduate yet.

I'm not selfish enough to be stupid and end my life, because if I'm lucky I'll get through these next couple of months without having a breakdown.

I have this big hole in my heart where something is missing, and I know it's most likely the Spirit of God.

That's basically it.