Resolutions

1. Grow closer to and stronger in the Lord, and change my heart.

2. Be kinder and less sarcastic.

3. Love my enemies.

4. Go to as many Skillet shows as I can afford, especially when I can drive.

5. Ace all my classes except math, and try my darndest to ace that, too.

6. Be happy. Recover.

7. Finally lose all that weight I've been trying to lose for the last three years.

8. Learn guitar.

9. Learn drums.

10. See my Panhead boardies at least once.

I don't deserve You, but I need You to love me.

Forgiveness is painful. Especially when the person doesn't know they've hurt you, or they do but they just don't care if you forgive them or if you ever STOP hurting. But God says to forgive. So it must be done. So it's that I must do. And I think I will. My top New Year's Resolution that I'm going to cheat on and start now? Working to love and be nice to everyone. I can't be sarcastically rude forever. It's too hard. Not to mention I don't like to hurt people's feelings. I would rather they didn't hurt mine, which is why I'm usually kind of rude and pushy. It's a crap excuse, I know. And it needs to stop. God didn't want me to be this way, and I won't. No way. Not anymore. Even if it means I get hurt, I'm going to be calm and Christlike, because if I don't, I won't properly represent Him.

So the other night, I had a major flashback to my Kenosha dream from a few months back. At least I think so. I just had a sudden memory of the VIVIDNESS and feeling in the dream. Everything felt REAL. The sun, the air, the buildings, the church (even though it wasn't accurate). It was odd. And I had this warmth inside, this feeling I can't explain. Liz said it was love of some kind. I don't know what for. For Kenosha? For the idea of being there? For the church? For God? I don't know. I guess only God will show me if it is in His will.

Now I Know That I'm Alive.

I love Christmas. I love the real reason we celebrate. Brother John talked about EXPERIENCING Christmas instead of OBSERVING it in church today. It made me a little sad, because I know a lot of people just "observe" it, because a lot of people don't know the meaning of family or love or Christ.

A lot of funny things have happened lately. While yes, I have had my bouts of sadness here and there, I've mostly been overjoyed. I'm thankful for whatever comes this year, even if I don't get to see the people I want to see, or I don't get the presents I want, because it's not about that at all.

Anyway, caroling on Friday night was really fun, especially when Justin (worship leader) had just finished praying over an elderly couple and all of a sudden he just randomly looked in the yard and his eyes got all big and he just screamed "SNOW!" and took off. He stood over the batch of grass on which the "snow" sat for a few seconds before he was just like, "Oh, man, it's just ice!" and stomped off...he's loco...and then we played hide-and-seek in several acres of dark pasture at the Christmas party...ohh boy.

So, I've heard "Little Drummer Boy" a LOT lately...and I finally LISTENED to it, like, really LISTENED, and I find it really interesting. I can't explain my notion entirely, but my brain connected "using spiritual gifts to honor Jesus" with that song. And now I see why my mom loves it so much.

On to other things (yes, I'm being very random)...just a thought for tonight...why does the girl best friend always end up liking the guy best friend and the guy best friend usually has a girlfriend? Hollywood had SOMETHING right...speaking of Hollywood, I'm actually very in shock about Brittany Murphy. She was only 32. She hadn't been married long, she didn't have any children, and just like that, one heart attack killed her. They're saying it's either drugs or anorexia. And it just makes me think "I never want to be in L.A. or Hollywood." Being in the acting business is dangerous, because if you're not careful, the smallest thing can sweep you away from God and into the dark world of destruction. Actually, if that's the case, living is dangerous. I guess that's where "living on the edge" came from. No wonder so many Christians that truly believe are scared to take chances. But we have to, or there'll be even more cases like Brittany's...there already are cases just like that, every day, they're just never publicized.

God Bless us and protect us.

'Tis December, all right.

Wow, it's been like three weeks since I've blogged...I feel like I'm neglecting this baby.

Well. Things have been a bit monotonous. Admittedly, break was fun, especially babysitting and such.

Life has been an arrangement of school, drumline practice, Christmas music rehearsals, Mike-and-Ike's being shoved down Zach's shirt, the weather getting steadily colder, and being sick.

Today is blog-worthy. Mainly because we had an hour of snow flurries during school, which is a big deal to a school of 300 country kids, who all ran outside and were playing in it throughout lunch and study hall. Hannah and I danced in it for awhile and started singing snow songs, and then we went to the parking lot and were goofing off and yelling out Christmas carols with one of our YoungLife leaders and then Amanda and Fara. Then Amanda, Faran, and I were gathering enough off of cars to throw little snowballs at the guys (I smacked Darius square in the rear with one), stick some down Tyler's shirt (poor kid, he only had a T-shirt and a light jacket on, and he was freezing), and then we found a white car that had been left undisturbed and made a normal-sized snowball, which we bagged and placed in the Band freezer, after running it up to the office and showing our principal. Then it quit snowing and we were all really disappointed...LOL.

And now I'm wishing I could be in Wisconsin for the winter, or even New Mexico, and I'd take Hannah, Faran, Amanda, Darius, and Tyler with me so we could build snow forts...haha...and Darius could navigate since he used to live up there (WI)...what I think would be an awesome Christmas present would be to get to go to Kenosha and visit LLC and the SOW...but it won't happen haha, so I'll be content with what I have. God gave us all so much happiness when it snowed the little that it did today. I am so thankful. It was fun.